How do I sensitize people to my differently-abled son?

How do I sensitize people to my differently-abled son?

It’s a known fact that children on the autism spectrum are deprived of social skills and they often prefer a secluded life. Most children feel anxious when they are pushed into large gatherings and tend to throw tantrums. My experience with my son in large gatherings hasn’t been particularly pleasant, so we as a family prefer not to take him with us for large social gatherings. Having said that, our 17-year-old loves to socialize. He may not be best at handling crowds, but he goes out of his way to socialize one-on-one. The more I see my son’s eagerness to socialize, I tell myself, “Who says people on the Autism spectrum have social skills issues?”

During the lockdown when none of us could step out of home, our young adult tried socializing virtually. He would organize video calls on birthdays of friends and cousins, create WhatsApp groups and post the Zoom link there and send constant reminders to join the virtual call. Everyone enjoyed it initially, but when he would create a groups every second day to celebrate a birthday, fatigue factor set in. There were days when people wouldn’t respond to him and he would feel terribly let down. “Why don’t people even respond to me,” would be his question to me. Everyone has packed schedules and participating in my son’s video meets every second day isn’t humanly possible. So, how did I handle the situation? I texted all of them and told them that while I completely understood that they were busy, my only request to them was to reply to my boy on the group and tell him that they were busy and wouldn’t be able to join the call. I told them that a reply from them would calm him and make him feel wanted. Most of them did understand where I was coming from and would let them him know if they could or couldn’t join.

Children on the autism spectrum want to socialize, but they don’t know how to do so. It becomes our responsibility to help them socialize. When we have guests at home, I make it a point to tell them (with people I am comfortable with) to have a conversation with my young adult. People don’t do it with any bad intention, but they do often end up having a conversation with my older son just because he can converse well. Awareness about autism and the challenges related to it is quite limited, especially in India. Therefore, it is important for us parents, to make the community at large sensitive to the needs of a child who is on the spectrum.

My childhood friend and her daughter religiously take their dog for a stroll every evening on the Carter Road promenade near my house. My son goes there for his walks too. He would wait for them everyday but he would never walk with them. The moment the mother-daughter duo would say hello to him he would run away from there. “My frustration is that he doesn’t give us eye contact and runs away,” my friend once told me. I explained to her that he gets anxious when he sees people and she needs to give him time. I told her that she meets lot of people on the promenade and socializes with them and my son finds it difficult to pick up a conversation with strangers, therefore, he avoids them. My friend understood and now she just smiles at him when he meets her at the promenade. My boy on the other hand, has found a way of communicating with her through text messages. My friend is hoping that he will soon walk with her at the promenade and converse with her in person!

As parents of a differently-abled boy we need to do everything we can to sensitize the world. I firmly believe that children on the autism spectrum are more than open to having an active social, we just need to pave the path for them.