Accepting Autism

 It’s All About Believing That Your Child Is Absolutely Normal

It’s been almost two years since I updated my blog (From the Diary of The Mother of An Autistic Child) and honestly, it’s not lethargy which took the better of me. I just didn’t have anything to share that could inspire. The COVID-19 pandemic was not just a health scare, it also led to mental health issues which turned out to be a bigger concern. It was tougher for people with special needs and for our 17-year-old who was already fighting a tough battle to get accepted by the society at large, it was nowhere close to easy. However, looking back, I must admit that our young adult has achieved significant milestones in the last two years. However trivial these achievements would sound, for him it is as good as conquering the Mount Everest. For me, it was realization that however much I was batting for mainstreaming him, I was subconsciously treating him differently. Fear had taken the better of me and I had no inkling of it.

Our 17-year-old has always wanted to live life just the way his older sibling does – hang out with friends, go for movies with them, to cafes and much more. All that wasn’t possible as his peer group could never relate to him (no offence here, as they are kids too). His older brother would religiously take him out once or even twice a month, but that’s not what my young adult wanted. He did go out with a one-off friend occasionally, but that also stopped during the pandemic. Everyday without fail he would ask me why he can’t go out, as he used to see his brother sneak out with his friends, all masked. Very soon my rationale that it wasn’t safe to step out of home didn’t work. We had to send him out and his therapist told me that we have to take a chance.

In August last year, we dared to send him out for a walk alone. We told him that he could walk on our lane, but like all teenagers he decided to have his way. He started walking up to the Carter Road promenade in Bandra, which is a good 15-minute walk from our home. My older son asked him to send us his location on WhatsApp and that’s how we tracked him. As days passed by, I became more confident, but if he was a minute late my heart would start pounding. I would ask him questions and that would lead to not-so pleasant incidents. His biggest grouse – “Why don’t you ask my older brother such questions if he gets late.” I honestly didn’t have an answer and I couldn’t tell him that he is different.

His next demand was to go out on his own to a café or an ice-cream parlour (by now he had accepted that going out with friends was still a while away as his peer group was not allowed by their parents to step out). After relenting for weeks, we did give in to pressure. And, he has surprised us again - he has been able to buy his own ice-cream or milkshake, pay money at the counter and get the change back. He religiously brings the bill back too!

The icing on the cake has been coming back from school in an autorickshaw all by himself. His teacher at school, Ms Tahera Wani, makes sure he sends us his location before he leaves school (and even clandestinely keeps a watch on him till he boards the auto-rickshaw). I can’t imagine our 17-year-old is independent now. We gave him an inch and he has started negotiating for a yard. He has started taking a rickshaw on his own for his Squash lessons. I tried telling him that it is always good to walk, but its not cool to listen to mom!

He even gets Rs 500 as pocket money every week, which often gets deducted if he doesn’t behave the way he is expected to. However, he does find his way in getting it back from me!  

The change I have brought about in myself is believe that our 17-year-old is ‘absolutely normal’. All of us at home check his location at least 10 times when he is out, but I don’t bombard him with questions. I instead text him on WhatsApp and that is working.