Accepting Autism

Accepting Autism

It was in mid-2006 when my son, Anshul, started going to a play-school close to home. Like any other mom I was excited as well as anxious. The first few days were a racket, Anshul wailed as though I was throwing him into dark room. The teachers consoled me that he would be fine in a few days and asked my helper, Jassi, to stay with him at school till he settled down. There were other kids who were taking time to settle down too.
A month later while the other kids had settled down, Anshul showed no sign of settling down. He wailed as if it was his first day at school. The principal told me that this wasn't normal. What she was even more concerned about was that he wouldn't respond till he was called 2-3 times. I had noticed that at home too. He would play with the same toy for hours together and wouldn't respond unless he was called multiple times. I always dismissed it thinking that he was in his own world. While his peers had started verbalising, Anshul wasn't uttering a word, not even 'mom' and 'dad'. That was yet another concern.
The play-school he attended called for their counsellor, who first asked for an audiometry test to rule out a hearing problem. Once that was ruled out, she did a battery of tests on him and finally diagnosed that he was 'Autistic'. I didn't even know what autism meant. My husband and me quickly read up whatever we could and felt nothing but helpless. Why did it have to happen to us, was the only thought that came to our mind.
In the months that followed, we enrolled him for sessions with special educators, speech therapists, occupational therapists and counsellors. All that Anshul did was hop from one therapist to another and in the bargain had no time to play. We did see an improvement, but Anshul started being labelled as 'autistic' and not being 'normal'. He was being treated differently and with sympathy wherever we took him. Me and my husband were trying to accept reality and we were talking about how to plan Anshul's future. We were trying to sensitise our older son, Ayush (who was all of six years), about his brother. Despite being an eternal optimistic, my attitude was getting clouded by negativity. Though I always told myself that I will fight this out, I had unconsciously started to expect a lot from my older child just because I believed that my younger child had disabilities. And, here came my first learning: My older son, Ayush, once told me that there was nothing wrong with Anshul, it was me and my husband who believed that there was a problem with him.
Ayush's statement got endorsed by senior special educator, Medha Lotlikar. Medha was one of the brains behind Aamir Khan's highly acclaimed film, Tare Zameen Par. When she first met us in end of 2007, she asked us to withdraw Anshul from all kinds of special care. It sounded a bit weird to us, but we followed her instructions blindly. We enrolled Anshul in Kangaroo Kids (that was the only play school which had an inclusive set up. I don't have enough words to thank the KKEL team and their founder, Leena Ashar for accepting Anshul with open arms.) He was integrated in a regular class and was given a shadow teacher who worked one on one with him.
Our meeting with Medha instilled the belief that there wasn't anything majorly wrong with him. Like Ayush, Medha also told us that we should start treating Anshul like we treat our older son. We did that. We went out for holidays, movies and to malls with him. Yes, there were quite a few embarrassing moments, we would have to hold his legs in movie halls and flights so that he didn't kick the person sitting in the front seat. The climax, of course, was when he hit a gentleman at a mall (I really wonder what was playing in mind at that time) and my cousin, Mona, actually slapped the person! Despite all this we never gave up. We were quite clear that we will not give up.
I have been lucky to get a wonderful set of professionals at school (Anshul in Grade X at Billabong High International, Santacruz, the K12 school of KKEL, which one of the few schools in Mumbai that includes) who passionately work with Anshul. Their effort has been not to just get him to level academically, but also make him competent to live independently.
It is still work in progress and of course there are challenges galore. Anshul is going to write the 10th boards in Februrary 2020. He plays squash and swims well. He goes for tuitions and squash sessions on his own. He also goes for his school trips to other cities just like any other child would do.
Though me and my husband have our apprehensions, but we try to do whatever it takes to give Anshul a normal life. Yes, there are lot of challenges, but who doesn't have challenges. The biggest learning for us has been to think positive and to treat our differently abled child as normally as possible. Anshul has a great memory and is very good with numbers!
I plan to write a series about my journey with Anshul, wherein I will share with you my learnings, experiences and the moments he has made me feel proud. Before I end this piece, all those of you may be wondering how much time we spend with Anshul everyday, it won't be more than a couple of hours. I have been lucky enough to work in organisations and bosses who have been extremely empathetic. I do my bit by ensuring that I don't miss deadlines. I have realised that spending 24/7 with the child would make me an obsessed mother. But we are always there for him. All of us including Anshul need our respective "me time". As Medha once asked me, "How often do you sit idle and do nothing? When did you last go to the beach and sat there for an hour staring the sea? You must do all of that, it is extremely important." Do you do all of that? If you have a child who is in the spectrum it is all the more important you do that.
When life puts you in tough situations don't say why me, say why not me.